I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
