I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
