FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
