Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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