someone owes me an orgasm
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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