All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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