So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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