The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
