my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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