if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
