There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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