i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
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You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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