im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
