the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A+ Viking dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize