Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
