I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
