I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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