So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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