How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
