he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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