I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
