Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
