??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
