...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
