he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
