so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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