I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
