Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
