Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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