I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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