Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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