Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
