Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
