I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
