help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
