I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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