Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
