He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
