so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
