Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
