no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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