She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
