Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
