dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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