K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
