i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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