Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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