So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
