smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize