the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
