these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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