you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Houston, we have a blender
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
