If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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