Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize