Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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