So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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