So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
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