The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize