if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
