cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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