Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
