My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
