Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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