Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
