yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
