drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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