A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
