I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
