Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
