Your mouth is God's brothel.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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