meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
