My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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