my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
