His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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