end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
