So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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