do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
