Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
