How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
