OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
