i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
