Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
