just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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