Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
